"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
