I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
