Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize