We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
