Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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