no you cant smoke seaweed
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
