You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
