One girl and one boy is just not enough.
there was a trapeze. enough said
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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