just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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