Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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