dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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