i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
