I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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