Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
wrigley field is MILF paradise
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Floor bacon is actually really good
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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