Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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