And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
