Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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