nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize