if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
