It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
