We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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