Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
