i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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