my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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