remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
