If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize