Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
