He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize