Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we're making bets on your personal life
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
