Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
