I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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