I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
