Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
