Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
