It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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