I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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