The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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