Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
