Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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