Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
