it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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