i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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