Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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