Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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