Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
