I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
