I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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