I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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