I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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