even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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