it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
