I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
