i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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