fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
