I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
