just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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