I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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