she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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