I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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