You can't special order awesome
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
