3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
