he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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