GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
