I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
