he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
