god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
No subtext here. People are naked.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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