I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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