the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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