I wish my penis had an off switch
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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