No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
