Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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