A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
