a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
