I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
